What we Made, Doesn't Make Sense
by gilmoregossiplover
Summary: Years later, Nate can't forget Blair and he doesn't really want to either.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: I know it's not that great, but this is my third Nate and Blair fanfic and I'm determined to actually finish this through the end. Comments are more than welcome and highly appreciated.

* * *

When Nate was dating Blair he always had a plan. At the time he hated it- he was going to propose to her in Paris, they would get married at St. Patrick's Cathedral, and would later have two children (a boy that looked just like Nate and a girl that looked just like Blair). Now at twenty four he would give anything to be on that path again.

Blair was engaged to Hugh Whitney, a red haired man from a very respectable family. Hugh had been unnoticed by Blair when she was attending NYU, but he always held a flame for her during their English class. When he didn't see her on campus sophomore year he was disappointed. It was "fate", according to Blair, that he stopped her from walking into ongoing traffic.

"_I was texting Serena, not paying attention to anything when suddenly I felt two hand around my waist. I was just about ready to take out pepper spray until I realized I had seen him before. I assured him I wasn't going to walk and asked him to promptly release me. He did and that's how I met the love of my life."_

He had heard that story so many times it was engrained in his head. He accepted the fact that it was romantic but it didn't change the fact that Hugh was the completely wrong guy for her, certainly not the love of her life.

He, himself, was married to Meredith. She could easily have been described as the perfect woman. She was five food seven, blond, with long legs and a gorgeous face. She was smart, sweet, and naïve. They had met in college and were engaged shortly after graduation.

They don't talk much and have nothing in common, but she was a nice fit. At least that's what his grandfather had said, _"She'll be the perfect campaign wife and after all she's a Presbyterian." _Sometimes he thought that he may love Meredith but overall he knew that he would never love anyone as much as he loved, loves Blair.

He is standing in a recruiting office for the military. He's not entirely sure why but it feels right. He's never been smart and he's in a stale marriage and interning for Chelsea Clinton. He doesn't look forward to his life. He simply just lives it and it feels like forever.

He signs up to be a marine and the first call he makes is to Blair. She doesn't answer.

"Blair, it's Nate. I have an announcement to make. Invite the whole gang to my apartment tonight. Meredith will make dinner."

* * *

And Blair's arrives at the newlywed's home at a quarter after seven. It's perfectly decorated and looks like it came out of a magazine. Meredith is wearing a red Tommy Hilfiger dress that compliments the Archibald family ring perfectly. The blond Grace Kelly look alike kisses Blair on the cheek and accepts the pastries that Blair brought over.

Blair even with Hugh at her side feels awkward. She suspects that she's the fat cheerleader out of the two. She fixes her hair after making this judgment.

Meredith makes small talk about her work as a non- profit lawyer, of course she is, and how Nate wants to buy a puppy but she's really not ready for that just yet.

All while Blair's hands are entwined in her fiancée's. He's he only reason she's able to bear this at all and she keeps holding his hand tighter and tighter.

Serena and Chuck arrived together, they had started working together and had become the best of friends. Though Chuck had done his best to move on he still cringed at the sight of Blair and Hugh holding hands.

"Waldorf. How's it been?" He went over to hug her and he was able to feel the band of her engagement ring through his blazer.

"I've missed you. We haven't seen each other in forever."

"That's because you've been crazy planning your wedding. I've barely even seen you", Serena chimes into the conversation.

The next ten minutes are spend in easy conversation, but they're all wondering where exactly Nate is.

"He said he'd be here at seven thirty. Well, either way. I should take the pork out of the stove." Meredith assesses.

Blair almost screams of glee. Meredith cooked pork. Nate hadn't eaten pork since they had seen "Babe" together in grade school. Maybe perfect Meredith wasn't all that perfect. Was it possible Nate had never told her about this? Did Blair know the hostess' husband better than her?

"Why are you smiling?" Hugh asks his beautiful fiancée.

"No reason. I think I'm going to help Meredith in the kitchen."

Hugh is left with Serena and Chuck. By this point Serena has already had three glasses of whiskey and Chuck has put himself into a depression.

"Blair is really something, isn't she?" Blair hears Chuck say while she's on her way to prove something to Meredith. She almost feels bad for Chuck. Even after she broke up with him her freshmen year in college he had still loved her. She wasn't making it up either, he had told her several times when he was drunk. But she was with Hugh who is loved., maybe not as much as Nate but that was an entirely different matter.

"Why are you making Nate pork?"

"Why not?" Meredith was more confused than she'd ever been. "Nate loves pork."

"Really? Maybe he's changed." But Blair refused to be wrong about this. "I've got it. Does he finish the pork really quickly but not touch his sides?"

"How'd you know about that?"

"He's not really eating the pork, just hiding them. Oh and does he clean the dishes those nights?"

"He says that I shouldn't have to do things after I've made his favorite."

"That's because he doesn't want you to see that he hasn't eaten it."

Meredith was on the verge on tears, "Why would he lie about that? I don't even really like pork."

And of course it's then that Nate arrives. He enters the restaurant worthy kitchen to see his wife crying. He goes to comfort her, but she pushes him away.

"Nate, I made pork but you don't like pork so can you just order pizza?" she says never really looking at his face.

Nate drags Blair into the next room.

"What did you do to my wife?"

"I just told her the truth. You don't eat pork. I know you better than anyone."

"And she started crying?"

"She's a very fragile person." Nate doesn't say anything. He looks at his ex girlfriend and as much as he wants to be mad he can't be. Her blue eyes and pout make it impossible. He leans towards her and hugs her.

"I have something to tell you. I wanted to do it at dinner, but that probably won't be for a while."

"Why can't you just tell me now?" Blair asks.

"I'm going to Iraq. I'm going to be a marine."

* * *

Blair cries the whole night. She doesn't want to lose Nate to anyone let alone a war she doesn't believe in. She tries her best to stop. It's not like her to cry in public but she can't help it. Hugh tries to comfort her but he can't. As much as he tries to be her perfect man, he's not. He's just a replacement.

"Blair, can we just take about this?" Hugh asks through her locked bathroom door.

He doesn't get an answer and only hears her cries through the door.


	2. Chapter 2

After crying for a good weekend she got up on Monday, took a shower, and put on her most professional YSL suit. She did her make up in such a way that she looked like she had been tanning instead of having an emotional breakdown. She had to admit that she looked pretty good.

She went into the dining room to see Hugh who looked awful. "You don't look well", she said honestly.

"I haven't exactly been able to sleep. I was worried about you."

That's why she loved him. Instead of going out with his friends or seeing a ball game he had spent it worrying about her, checking on her every hour or so. He loved her and she knew that they would be able to last.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked one last time.

"Everything's fine. I'm sorry for putting you through all of that." Then she checked the clock. Her town car was going to arrive in a few minutes. She kissed his forehead, grabbed an apple, and left. Halfway out the door she remembered she had forgotten something. When she turned around Hugh was there with her briefcase. "Do you realize how much I love you?"

"I think I get the drift" he assured her.

She arrived at work thirty minutes early to review her case. It wasn't going to be easy. Her client was a sixty year old man who cheated on his wife and had no prenuptial agreement. But if there was one thing Blair did well, it was winning divorce settlements. She just prayed that her marriage would never have to come to this.

Going into court she was distracted, she couldn't help but think about her high school boyfriend. She wasn't even married to him yet she was willing to do anything for him to change his mind. Even so, she was an amazing lawyer She won after bringing out a witness who said the wife asked him to find her a silly, rich husband who "couldn't keep it in her pants". The wife left with nothing and Blair's status as the best young lawyer in the firm was solidified. Everyone congratulated her but she was barely there. She wanted to run away.

* * *

Nate was just at a regular day of work getting coffee for his boss. As much as his grandfather said differently, he is nothing more than a highly paid errand boy. But today was going to be a good day. Today was when he was going to tell his boss that he'd be off to Basic Training in two weeks.

Then without warning he heard his phone ringing. It was Blair and he smiled. Blair had been his best friend in college. She was his drunk buddy and his tutor. While he was her shoulder to cry on when Hugh and her had a fight and the person she made fun of every time he wore flannel.

He picked up the phone, "What's up, honey?" He almost cursed after saying that. Honey? But with Blair it just kind of came naturally. Maybe she wouldn't notice.

"Nothing much, cookie" she said in an extremely mocking tone.

"Then why are you calling?"

"I need to see you." She had meant it to sound confident and alluring but it came off more desperate than anything.

"I'm still working and then Meredith…"

"Stop sounding like a forty year old."

Nate knew that it was meant to be a joke but it cut a lot deeper than he thought it would. He was only twenty four of Christ's sake. That feeling he knew was why he signed up for Iraq.

"I promise I wouldn't cry this time", Blair said just when Nate's thoughts were about to fly off.

"Promise?"

"I promise."

* * *

The bar they were at was someplace the Blair five years ago would never be caught dead in. Beer was four dollars a can, peanuts were on every table, and there was a jukebox. But this Blair didn't care. She was with Nate talking about absolutely nothing and having the time of her life.

Blair was always good at holding her alcohol and even after her third beer she was only tipsy. Nate on the other hand was beginning to slur his words and wanted to sing karaoke.

"I will not let you sing Nate."

"You're not my mother and I have a gggreeatt singing voice."

"How about we just dance?"

"I guess we could do that."

Nate went to the jukebox and paid for "Moon River" to play. Sure it was old and he'd heard it a million times, but it was Blair's favorite and even drunk Nate remembered that.

They swayed to the music, getting closer and closer with every second. They were the only ones in the bar dancing and people were starring but they didn't notice. They only had eyes for each other. They didn't say anything but they didn't have to. The moment was perfect.

After the song ended the waitress came over to ask for their check and upon noticing each one's wedding bands asked how long they had been married.

An awkward silence filled the air and Blair's face turned a dark red.

Nate was the one who corrected her error. "We're not married, at least not to each other."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I just assumed. Will you want your check soon?"

"Yes, please" Blair said in a voice that much louder than a whisper.

* * *

Nate offered to walk Blair home and the way was silent. They were both thinking about the simple mistake of the waitress and analyzing the other's response. Nate had sobered up and it was him who was the first to talk.

"You know it could have been us, Blair."

"What do you mean?" She knew exactly what he meant but she wanted him to be the one to say it.

"I loved you so much and sometimes I think you loved me too. I think we could have been together if it wasn't for Serena and me. I don't think I ever told you how truly sorry I was for everything."

Blair was truly touched by the words. And as much as she had wanted to hear them, she didn't know what to say now. She suddenly felt guilty and dirty about the whole situation. "I should really go. Hugh's waiting."

"Do you love him?" After she just looked at him for a while he completed the thought. "I mean more than you love me. Because Blair, if you just give me the chance. If you just say the word, I will leave everything and never look back."

Though Blair didn't say anything or indicate that she wanted to kiss him, she also didn't do anything to stop him.

He moved his face towards hers and held her close. He kissed her and she kissed back. But after a little bit, she pulled slightly away but was still in his embrace.

"I just can't Nate. If you really loved me you wouldn't go, you wouldn't leave me." And with that the tears began flowing again. She didn't even try to stop them and only fell deeper into his hug.

He kissed the top of her head. He would do anything to make her happy again, anything. But he couldn't. The thing she wanted from him the most was the one thing he couldn't give her. He couldn't take his name off the recruit list. "I can't Blair."

When she finally moved her head she saw the wet spot her tears had left on his shirt. Trying to hold herself together the best that she could she uttered, "Just don't die, Nate. Never die."

"I'll do my best."


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: I just felt like picking this up again. Nothing special, but I do have a plan for how it's going to end. Happy Holidays and I hope you enjoy!

* * *

A year and a half later

A lot had changed since the last time he saw her at the bar. Blair had refused to see him again after that. He almost understood. It was probably too much for her; she didn't want to be hurt or whatever. But why did she have to hug him like that and leave him with the scent of her hair and the memory of her crying for the rest of his life? She made him love her more and then just left him heartbroken.

Meredith had sent him pictures of the wedding. Blair looked beautiful and almost as happy as he'd ever seen her. She had been married in Paris at a gorgeous ceremony with about three hundred guests. He was just happy it hadn't been at St. Patrick's because that would have been too much. Meredith wasn't able to go to the reception though because she was too tired. At the time she was eight months pregnant with their daughter, Grace.

Grace was perfect in every way, or as much as he could tell from the total of five days he had spent with her. Meredith was overwhelmed but would never admit it and never ceased to send him care packages every week with heart shaped cookies and the shampoo he used.

He wanted to be happy, he really did. He was alive, he had a beautiful baby girl, and his perfect, blonde wife loved him enough to bake for him. He should have been happy, but he wasn't.

* * *

Nate had expected war to be exciting, all consuming, and well for lack of better words- cool. What he actually went through was nothing close. It was boring and he learned not to make friends because there was no certainty of them being around for too long.

With all the time on his hands he had little to do, but think. He realized that if he could turn back time he would change everything. He would have never slept with Serena, never broken up with Blair after finding out about Chuck and her, maybe gone to UCLA or some other place in California for college, or just do anything other than listen to his Grandfather.

He didn't always think about Blair but she definitely concentrated most of his thoughts. Sometimes he schemed up ways to get her back, other times he just remembered her various faces. But what he never really thought of doing was calling her.

Then one day he did. There wasn't any immediate reasons why, he just felt like it was time. He wanted to hear her voice and know that she was okay. He dialed her number from memory and held his breath while his phone read. One rings, two rings, three, four, five. And finally when he lost all hope he held her voice.

"Hi, who is this?" She seemed peaceful if not a little tired. It was probably about three o'clock in the morning in New York.

"Blair? It's me." The second he said it he felt stupid. Maybe she didn't even remember his voice or maybe she just didn't care.

The he realized he did hear something. She was crying. Not dramatic, loud sobs but softly. He no longer knew what to do, so he just went to the main reason he called. "Are you happy, Blair?

And the sobs began to grow louder and he heard to close the door, leaving the room. "No, Nate, not at all. I mean I made assistant partner and we moved into a bigger apartment and we have this dog, but I'm just not _happy_…"

There's a silence but it's thoughtful instead of awkward. "I want to see you." Nate says.

"I just can't leave Nate. I'm married now and where would we go?"

"I get a three day leave in a couple of months. We should go to Rome. I've never been and we can figure stuff out."

"Nate, I… I… when exactly did you say you had leave?"

* * *

He got off the plane and straight into the arrival section. He made sure he packed everything he needed into a carry- on so he could spend as much time with Blair as he could.

At first he doesn't see her. But then he does and his whole world stops. She's more gorgeous than he remembers, maybe she's gained some weight in all the right places, maybe her hair's a little lighter, or maybe he's just tried to downplay her beauty so he can get over her.

She's in a yellow dress with black detail and black heels. She's nervously tapping her feet, looking around to see if Nate's here yet. He knows that this is just another moment he'll always remember; this single image will flash before his eyes when he's dying.

Then their eyes meet and she starts running to him, either unaware or uncaring of everyone's eyes on her. She hugs him and doesn't let go. Her hair smells the same and he just thinks it's a continuation of that last night they were together. She looks up and simply says, "I missed you and I'm really happy you're not dead"


End file.
